my only post in jury lodge.

[Matt D.]

LOL I don't know if this will be my only post, but since the game is more or less over, i figure it will be.

The feeling that I have from being voted out is more strange than I thought it would be. I knew I'd be disappointed and relieved both at the same time, but I don't know.. the disappointment and relief is different than I thought.

I thought my relief would be because this game was so time consuming and took so much of my time and I'd just be relieved that it's over. However, the relief that I felt instead was that I'd never have to be fake to certain people again (more specifically matto) again haha. For example, I knew that he was just being 'friends' with me for the game and I could respect him for that but that's not something that is a healthy relationship? I am generally not a fake person, so it was surprisingly very energy-draining for me to have to do that in the game. There were only two other people (well one and a half because i wasn't fake to her until i heard she was fake to me) that I had to be like that to, but I think they know who they are lol. That's one big part of the reason why I was always invisible. Sure, I didn't want to have to deal with the tons of IM's i'd get everyday, but there were a lot of days where I just didn't feel like talking to people that I didn't think that liked me very much and vice versa.

As for the disappointment, I thought that I might be disappointed because I made 3rd place, but that actually wasn't it at all. I actually felt good about that and it's probably the only thing that kept me from crying. The disappointment that I felt was that I think I let people down. Everytime there was a plan for a coup to take over the game, things never worked out and I would watch people go and I'd be sad. I kept telling myself that there'd be always a chance to get back at the people that hurt my friends so in a way that's part of the reason why I kept going as long as I did even when I was so tired of the bullshit. In making 3rd, I think I did better than people expected, but I felt like that the people I loved in this game were counting on me to get to that f2 so I could get as far as i could for them.

I'm sorry I let you down Will, Katie, Mark, Stacy and Tori. Now your boots were all for nothing and that is the thing that disappointed me the most. In any case, I'm really glad that I'm out so I can finally talk to you people in IM and stuff again. That was the hardest part of the game for me. I you guys.

Everyone else, I'm indifferent about or unsure how they really felt about me so I'll just wait and see how the truth unfolds, I guess. I don't hold anything against you guys at all though and I wish you the best of luck in life.

What the hell am I doing still here? I have a surgery in the morning that I could die for so I guess I'm going to go now. Take care everyone.. and good night.

[Kevin W.]

Well, I guess I'll bite and just put this out there. I realize that this game is pretty much about being fake (I'll admit I was at times- you need to be in my opinion) but it irks me a little that you said you weren't fake at all, Matt and that it took up all of your energy to be fake.

Why be fake if its going to take up all of your energy? The one thing that bothered me about the whole you not voting with me thing was how you told me it didn't matter where you placed as long as I was honest with you about what was going to happen when you eventually were going to go, if at all. I was totally willing to do that and be honest with you.

But then you go and tell me you will vote with me up until after votes are due, when you finally confess that you threw your vote away. That was hypocritical to me. I'm not trying to dig up old stuff, just finally saying it to you since I won't be able to on the jury now.

I'm not upset you beat me, you played a kick ass game and I don't think your a horrible person, just putting what I think out there. Need to get it off my chest. We did play together for a very long time, and I just never thought you and Will would go astray after all we went through.

I just want to know why you felt the need to seemingly put on an act for half the game and then show your true colors when it was convenient for you, like it was no big deal.

[Katie]

ilovemattd!

[Lynne]

Kevin covered it all very well, Matt.

I think we all know that one thing I also hate about these games is the fakeness that is derived from it. I can't stand to be fake, so I am just me, for better and for worse. I'll be completely straight with you right here about the relationship you and I shared in this game and then you can come to your own conclusions from that.

Was I rooting for you to win this game? No. There's a thread on why people said they wouldn't vote for you, for me it was simple. The fakeness you showed to Bajau after merge was unnecessary as was the throw away vote. But that was only the tip of the iceberg. There is one strategy in all of Survivor that I have little or no respect for, and that's the UTR style game. For me the fact that you flew so far under the radar for so long infuriated me. It's my personal preference on styles, but it is one thing that I am adamant about.

When we were on Yupik and when we were on Bajau I genuinely liked you. We got along and had some interesting conversations. You were far from being an asset to the tribes when it came to challenges and I frequently had to cool Kevin down because of that. But you hung around because we liked you. I want to know if this like we gained for you was built on falsities and fakeness. I would like to think you owe us that much.

Welcome to the Jury Lodge.

[Will]

Matt, you know I love you. We'll talk soon.
<3

[Tyler]

Welcome to the jury lodge, although I am happy to see you go out 3rd. I am not bitter to you in anyway game wise, and think you had a kick ass strategy (after the merge, anyway). My ill feelings towards you come from Matt O telling me that you told him you never liked me, and it pained you to even talk to me. Give me a break. I thought we had alot of good conversations (little of which related to the game or strategy) but I guess it was all for not. Just as well though, because now I see the true Matt D, and I am glad I don't have to consider you for a vote in the final two.

[Tyler]

I am generally not a fake person

I beg to differ.

[Lexie]

triiibalcounciiil said:

I am generally not a fake person

I beg to differ.

[Katie]

lexie said:

triiibalcounciiil said:

I beg to differ.

i just wanted to see all the boxes. . . no not really. i think that we all were probably a little fake to different people, if not you're screwed in this game.

i adore matt d, so maybe i have a different perspective, and i dont know what went on in bajau - but i dont think there's anything wrong with what he did.

i mean he said he's generally not fake - but then went ahead and owned up to the fact that he was fake... its not like he was trying to mask it with that statement.

[Lexie]

Theres a difference though. Its different when you flounce about talking about how you aren't fake and then act completely fake to everyone.

And I also (to quote Tyler) beg to differ when you say that everyone is fake in this game. I don't think so. How could anyone call Lynne fake? I really don't think I was fake with people either. People always knew where I stood in the game, and I didn't really kiss up to people who were on different "sides" than I was. I talked to Tori, Mark, and Ryan. Then once they were all gone ( ) I worked with other people.

Maybe being fake is an asset in this game, and maybe how I played was dumb or naive, but I think its wrong to come in and say that you aren't "generally" fake when (for example) one uses an invisible screen name to talk to people when they feel like it, and always about the game. That, to me at least, is the definition of being fake, and it certainly doesn't look like I'm the only one who feels that way according to this thread.

[Stacy]

*gives some love to Matt D*

Like Kevin said, you have to be at least a little bit fake in this game on occassion, but I think generally Matt D was pretty open and real (at least to me, he was). I mean, clearly there are going to be people that you just don't get along with and that you'd rather slide down a banister of razors into a pool of alochol rather than talk to, but that nevertheless are on your tribe. What are you going to do with those people? Shun them? No, of course not. You're going to put on an act when you talk with them in order to get through what needs to be discussed.

[Will]

rather slide down a banister of razors into a pool of alochol rather than talk to

LOL i like that analogy.

[Mark]

Matt D.: When I was in this game, I didn't consider you to be fake. Since I've been on the jury... my image of you changed a bit. Now I'm not sure if you were being a fake friend to me, or if our conversations were really worth while. I was being very real with you (and everyone else in this game), and the whole fake-for-the-game thing irks me a little bit, but maybe the ideal Survivor player is someone that makes up the best personality for those people around them. I dunno.

Just to be clear, though, I was never fake with anyone about my personality. If I was hyper around you, it's 'cause I felt excited around you. I may have been fake with alliances (namely, Tyler and Matt O.), but I could never just act fake if I couldn't feel like it. Although, that may have been what cost me this game.

[Katie]

you'd rather slide down a banister of razors into a pool of alochol

]

stacy, can we do that at the beach?

[torithomas]

you'd rather slide down a banister of razors into a pool of alochol

pssshhh, been there, done that

[Katie]

pssshhh, been there, done that

hhaha.. how was it?

[Lynne]

How could anyone call Lynne fake? I really don't think I was fake with people either.

thanks Lexie, thats the best compliment you could give me *g* at times i think i felt you were, but overall you were one cool bitch ; )

[Kevin W.]

Lexie was the fakest of them all.

Evidence:

NoAngelFroggy: haha, I know! its so ridic
l3tters to y0u: i say ridic
l3tters to y0u: not you k
NoAngelFroggy: haha
NoAngelFroggy: whatev I = fetchest

Fakey McFakerson.

[Stacy]

katie said:

you'd rather slide down a banister of razors into a pool of alochol

]

stacy, can we do that at the beach?

Yes, yes we can. xD

[torithomas]

pssshhh, been there, done that

hhaha.. how was it?

orgasmic.

[Matt O.]

As for the disappointment, I thought that I might be disappointed because I made 3rd place, but that actually wasn't it at all. I actually felt good about that and it's probably the only thing that kept me from crying. The disappointment that I felt was that I think I let people down. Everytime there was a plan for a coup to take over the game, things never worked out and I would watch people go and I'd be sad. I kept telling myself that there'd be always a chance to get back at the people that hurt my friends so in a way that's part of the reason why I kept going as long as I did even when I was so tired of the bullshit. In making 3rd, I think I did better than people expected, but I felt like that the people I loved in this game were counting on me to get to that f2 so I could get as far as i could for them.

I'm sorry I let you down Will, Katie, Mark, Stacy and Tori. Now your boots were all for nothing and that is the thing that disappointed me the most. In any case, I'm really glad that I'm out so I can finally talk to you people in IM and stuff again. That was the hardest part of the game for me. I you guys.

If you love them so much, and had plans to work with them, why would you vote them out? I don't understand you Matt D.

You could've forced a tie with Tori vs Jen. You could've voted or Jen in the F4, and not Stacy. Seriously, why didn't you try anything if it saddened you to see them go?

[torithomas]

I see Matt's point. Especially this sentence:

Everytime there was a plan for a coup to take over the game, things never worked out and I would watch people go and I'd be sad.

No offense Matt D, but things didn't work out because of YOU! So how could you have possibly been upset that the coups didn't work out?

[Matt O.]

Exactly!

[Lexie]

<3 MattO and Tori

[Matt O.]

<3 Lexie!

[Sam]

*is in agreeance*


though if Jen made the right decision at f3, you may have won. so maybe you shouldn't be all that regretful

[Matt D.]

actually thats not true..

the only vote that happened that didnt work out that was 100% my fault was the tori vote..

instances where things couuld have been different

1) ryan's boot- it was still theoretically possible to save ryan if mark hadn't already voted for ryan and went on vacation. I was willing to vote with ryan if stacy was going to but in the end, it just didn't work that way cuz there was no way of getting ahold of mark. Not that it was his fault, katie had convinced him that ryan was out to get him and yadda yadda.

2) mark's boot- i tried to talk katie in not voting for mark and katie really didnt want to so i knew there was a chance that mark wouldn't go and if stacy and katie had wanted to save mark, i would have dove right in to save him.. no questions asked there.

Regardless of your feelings for someone, It is better for a player to be sure they are still in the majority no matter what. Those were just chances where it could have worked had the right people come together..

when jen and stacy approached me to work with them to oust matto and tyler.. i asked them what took so long for them to do anything. i was geninuely sad to see everyone go when we could have gotten together to save them sooner.

tori, you shouldn't really talk because you were out earlier in the game and only had a first jurist's view that you didn't see other things that were going on in the game to know that I had been open to coups and could have implemented them if things worked out and the right people came together.

Second, I know that many of you can't really understand this, but I found that I liked Jen a great deal as a person. i had started talking to her BEFORE i had even talked to tori or anyone else so she had a leg up on bonding with me. She was even my masquerade ball date. I would have been extremely saddened to see her go just as i was for you guys. So I dont think matto made a good point there. By matto's statement does that mean he didn't care for anyone save tyler in the game since he voted them alllllllll out?

I really think Jen and I had a good bond and friendship .. that's part of the reason why she wanted me to be part of the team to take care of matto and tyler.

All in truth, I was only fake to Matto, Tyler, and half the time lexie (after I found out she never really liked me in the first place. ) My feelings were just very complicated for these 3 people and i think that will be revealed in detail as more of the game gets revealed. For matto, I know that I didn't think I could have ever forgiven matto for voting will out when he did.

sam.. impartiality.. a good thing =)

[Matt O.]

I wasn't saying it that way. I meant how you said you wanted to work with them, but you never did, then voted them off. I understand where you're coming from with the "being in the majority", because it's true, and it got you very far.

I cared for a vast majority of people in the game, but you can't go to the end with everyone.

Also, thanks for admitting the fake thing. I respect you for coming clean about it. Sucks it had to be that way, because I though we got along good in the game, but alas, I was wrong there. Still, it was a pleasure to play and meet you. Good game Matt.

[Matt D.]

yeah i know what you mean by can't get to the end with everyone.. that's where the bad part of the game comes in.

lol believe it or not matto.. i did say a lot of good things about you (at least from what i remember in my confessionals).. i just think that it was the will and eventualy katie thing that made me feel the need to be guarded and fake. A defense mechanism perhaps? Anyways, yeah.. good game. =) My last game is ending soon so yeah i am glad I got a chance to meet and play with you (and the others) before my 'survivor career' stopped.

Belated congrats on you winning btw.. Sorry I wasn't around to see it.. was on vacation. BTW, even though I was fake to you and voted for jen--, please do know that I was pulling for you too. The vote was FOR jen not against you. That was part of the motiviation behind getting people to think of the idea of switching from you to tyler. I knew if things didnt work out, i'd be happier with you or jen winning.

[Matt O.]

Thanks, and I never doubted your reason for voting her. I knew you guys got close in the game, so no worries about the reason.